Law of Attraction

I remember how I never attracted anyone on certain well known gay app. A certain movie reminded me that humans are like animals. We workout to put on muscles. We dress nicely to look good. Style our hair to look stylish. All we do is to look good not just for ourselves, but could be to look presentable and not to humiliate the closest people we consider important to us. In the animal kingdom, most often the male is the on doing the work of attracting the female. Lion with it's mane. Fighting fish and guppies with their colourful fins. Biggest and strongest of the alpha male wins the pack or pride through display of strength and power. 

Humans are no different. Of course we don't dictate how a gay man should be. But the fact remains that big muscular and good looking guys will always attract more potential mate. Same goes with being wealthy and powerful. Some may prefer the cute and twinky ones but in my experience, not many actually. How to market yourself is a choice. I find it ridiculous when people complain how they are unable to attract other guys. If your looks don't work, work your mind and body. Some people enjoy a good communicator with some humour. If it doesn't work, you gotta put in the hard work and flaunt that sexy body.

No doubt

Finally I get to breathe a sigh of relief when the meeting with higher up was over. I always get nervous with things like this especially when it comes to progress reports. Really thankful to my love for comforting me that everything will be fine and indeed it turned out fine. Earlier today I had to sit for a test as part of my training programme in the company. That went ridiculously well that I had no doubts that I would pass. OKAY.... more like pass with flying colours but let's just wait and see for the outcome. 

Today I have also come to realize what exactly my passion is in terms of my career. What made it clear was thinking back the happiest and most enjoyable times I have had while working in my current company. That is teaching and educating. Hopefully I will be able to make the move when the time comes. Feeling excited thinking about it.

Change

Time flew so quickly I often forget how long it has been when we had a heart to heart talk. Almost 9 years together we have both changed so much. My dear Pikey have turned from soft tofu to a meaty one. From being uptight to being open about his feelings. I am amazed at how much he has changed.

I have to confess I have changed too. I did things I am not proud of. I have done wild things I have always wanted to do but never had the courage to do cos I was afraid of hurting my dear Pikey. I was probably really selfish. I was being lustful. I wanted to feel sexy and slutty. Having read a certain book, I realized that I really do have 1 life to live. I get to decide for myself what type of life I wanted. What I want to experience I share it with my love. I felt the guilt that came with the pleasure. However, tonight the movie "Call me by your name" has reminded me to just live life. Regardless of what has happened or may happen, what we shared together will always be real.

Even though we have changed, I will always remember that love I have received. Some times I feel so overwhelmed by his love I felt I have not given him equally the same. I know it's silly. We can't measure love in units. I hope it was enough.

2018

wow wow wow... Let's start off with a sexy post!

It's been 3 freaking years since this blog have any posts. I have been thinking of resuscitating my lovely blog for quite some time now. So... a lot has happened in my life. Won't be able able to share it all in one post ya.

So let's start with 2018. It has been a crazy year for me so far. Some of you may know that I have spent half a year working in Tokyo. So I took up this training program that my company has offered and have been busy ever since. I had the opportunity to explore Osaka & Tokyo & their greater surroundings while I was there. But now I am back!!! The Japan experience has really changed me as a person. This year alone I have gave up on gaming. More determined now to give in more time to my body and to live a more active life.

My blogging style will probably change a bit considering I am now a changed man yeah... LOL!

I purposely kept this a secret so that I could surprise my boyfriend... Ahem... Not sure if he would join me back into blogging but I have found back my reason for blogging. So, that's all for now my fabulous readers. Ciao!

Dealing with Loudmouths

Do you guys have annoying colleagues that don't know when to shut up? Or colleagues that acts macho and constantly display the "don't mess with me cos I am a huge ass macho man" attitude? Gosh... I don't know what is wrong with him but there is this guy who constantly trying to mess with me by spouting words to show his dominance or manliness. I really don't know how I should deal with it. I have always given the silent treatment to people who don't know when to shut up. I thought that by ignoring them and not responding to them, they would give up talking shit to me. It has worked on others but I just don't get why it didn't work on him. He prolly hated me for asking if his girlfriend is his older sister back when I first saw him eating with another girl at the cafeteria.

Rumour Has It

Rumour has it that I have a girlfriend. So I have been spending a lot of time with someone of the opposite sex. But when a guy and a girl spend a lot of time together, does it mean that they are a couple. I am truly astonished at the travel speed of rumours. So what if we have lunch together? So what if we have dinner together? So what if we go shopping together? So what if she grabs my arm for whatever reason? Isn't it normal for a fag and hag to commit such acts?

A surprise within another surprise

I officially passed my management trainee programme and was given best academic award. The more surprising part of the whole process was during the graduation, my trainer gave me an extra present which only I received. 2 self-help book on leadership. OMG... he was so cute when he passed it to me. He was so shy. It all happened when I walked into the hall. He came up to me and handed me a present. I blanked for a moment, then I asked him what was it for while taking it from his hands. He just shook his head and took a few steps backwards without uttering a word. From that awkwardly far distance I said thank you =.="

Being Apart Sucks

So I no longer stay with my love at his apartment anymore. I miss him even if its 1 day apart. I hate this feeling. Not being able to see everyday made me feel incomplete. The days passed felt so empty. While at the same time I need to confront my awesomely irritating managers who I-hate-so-much coz they are so full of themselves (office politics started on 1st day of work!) and acclimatize to the new department in a new working environment. gosh... Argh....

Becoming a Hamster

Another post from me. I recently just signed up as a member at Gorgeous Fitness. Obviously because my love is also a member there. Ah... the things I would do to be with my love. Funny thing about gym is that everyone there are like hamsters. Like how we would gather at a place (like a cage) then run around to use the equipments (like hamsters running around playing the various toys that they would play again and again) or running on the treadmill (most hamster like behaviour). Another thing about the gym is the people of coz. Ahem... Candies are nice but when it comes to workout time at the gym, a timid little scrawny kid like me can't help but to feel slightly intimidated by the mere presence of these bigger muscular hunks. sigh...

Senile Old Farts episode 1

For some odd reason, old people can be really difficult to entertain. So they entered my department. Asked for something that we don't have. Then I told them we do not have it and they asked if I was sure. Hell yeah I am sure and I even offered to tell them where they can get their 'needs'. The old farts will keep pestering me with questions why my department don't have this, don't have that. Then they asked me how come other place have and blah blah blah... (It's like wake up pls!!! We do not have enough space to carry all the things you want OK?!) Then I explained that we only carry certain brands due to limited space. They then complained that the brands like Panasonic and Coway are not reliable. They don't trust Japanese and Korean technology and blah blah blah... Then they asked me if the Malaysian brand is good or not. Hello!!! Wake up la old farts! There is a chinese saying "Cheap things no good things, good things no cheap things". Already lived your life more than half a century still don't know meh...

Black

It is so gloomy on Facebook. Many people turned their Facebook profile picture pitch black. I opted not too. It is such a depressing colour. Everyday, every posting is about politics. Utterly unbearable. I never liked politics but I had to deal with it as it affects my future and my country. But I am really tired of it. 

Then there is the issue with race. Never ending. Forever inciting hate based on skin colour. That is what our politicians do. Chinese this, Chinese that. Malay this, Malay that. Day in day out that is what being fed to citizens of Malaysia by our beloved ministers. To my horror, there are many people who actually believe in what they say.  

Then there is BR1M. Vote buying no? My colleagues eagerly declared that they would vote for BN to get BR1M. Money money money. Who doesn't want money? But where does the money come from? Rosmah? Her money saving techniques are legendary. 

The list goes on and on. I already malas nak layan. Just gonna wait and see what is going to happen. FB currently flooded with too many things. Don't even know which are credible. That's all for now.

Polling Eve

People still flooding in to the store today. Maybe to stock up on food in case there will be a riot? I would have thought that a big sum of these people are back in their respective hometown getting ready to poll. Not the case at Bandar Utama. ish... 

A handful of colleagues were talking about voting for BN to get holiday on the following Monday. Hopefully they don't vote for BN... I dread the day that my sister graduates without 1st class and needs to pay back the PTPTN loan. She is not working material (sigh...). I really doubt that she could managed to get a good paying job (she claims that getting a job with 3k salary, good boss and time flexibility would be easy). 

I ponder upon a few stars if she is still living in the realm of reality. To test this, I asked her if she knew the average pay of a waiter/cashier at McD. I was left speechless when she said RM20 per hour. That's why I strongly believe that the Opposition must form the new government or I will be cursed with a high spender, high debt sister. 

I also want the tolls gone, my poor Touch N Go card have been reduced to a mere RM0.30 worth after my last usage today. Oh holy PR, save us from the evil clutches of BN vampires.

Reopened

It has been a while since my last post. I found myself back here again after being separated with my love. My blog was closed for a period a safety measure. As some might know, I am attached to a new job. Didn't want my bosses finding out too much about me at least until I am confirmed on my position. Better safe than sorry. 

That aside, I am just a bit more in touch with my emotions these days. This happens when I have more free time alone and when my love is not with me. Days apart can really feel like weeks when we practically lived under 1 roof for more than 3 years now. Seeing guys posting pictures and videos of their marriage stir up my emotions further. They look so adorable and so picture perfect if you know what I mean. They make me think of what I want. I have always imagined myself having a simple wedding with close family and friends at a very nature setting. Then both of us having kids of our own in a lovely apartment. Grow senile together and happy ever after. I still continue to wish for that day to come. Maybe not in Malaysia. I just don't see it happen here. And that makes me sad.

Unsettling

I always imagined myself as a piece in a picture. A picture that I could never find myself fit in. I then stumbled upon a beautiful picture fragment That fragment brought me into a new picture, one which was half filled. Together, we painted the rest of the picture with our memories. Sure the picture isn't perfect, but it is the most wonderful picture I have ever seen.

It is tough to be apart for so long. I must admit. Everyday I am plagued by the misery of having to enjoy the beautiful scenery by myself. All I could do was to imagine my love being by my side. I know that he would enjoy the scenery more than I would. Sure that work here is almost stress free. But it certainly comes with a price, the price of having more time vacant for my mind. Time and again I reevaluated our relationship. Does our relationship resemble to father and son? brothers? or best friend? 

I searched deep within my heart. I asked if I love him. And yes I do. How else can I miss him so. But is it really okay not to be sexually attracted to him? We both know that we enjoy each others presence. We enjoy each others company. Is that feeling all that really matters? Unsettled. I stared into the woods, the beautiful trees and blanket of mist, wishing that I would never revisit these thoughts again.

Dis-connected

Time to write something again... Life in the mountains is really so simple. Work, eat, sleep and watch TV. Occasionally I do get to go online like today. For some reason, my phone is now officially obsolete. Zero connection, I can't text or call anyone (most importantly I can't call my love)! It's now an alarm clock that needs to be recharged every 2 days. The weird thing is that my phone was still functioning and capable of sending out sms 1 week ago. Hopefully the phone is not dead yet, or I will need to scout for a replacement =)

Having that said, I am quite glad that the home is equipped with the basic Astro package. At least I won't die of boredom. 

Really looking forward to the coming Thursday. I will be back in KL. Yippie!!!

It has only been a month here in Jelebu. Although I still get to see my love every 2 weeks or so, I do miss him. I still recall the time when I see him get into his car and drove back home. I stood by roadside trying hard to hold back the tears and all I can hope for is that 2 weeks would pass quickly. We have never been apart as long as this. The separation do has it's good side. Me being so accustomed to having dardar around, often took him for granted. The separation definitely helped drew us closer.

Whenever...

I woke up in the morning feeling really happy and excited as I thought it was already Saturday morning. I thought that I could finally meet dardar. This was because I have night shifts on Fridays. Obviously I woke up thinking it was Saturday. Then reality hit me. It was still Wednesday morning! Total devastation. I realize how much I really miss my love. The 2 weeks of separation is probably the longest we have ever been apart. 

Every single day I never stopped thinking about him. Whenever I see the mist I think about him. Dardar loves being in the mist and it is always misty here in the morning. 

Whenever I cook I also think my love. Reminds me how he always say he wanna cook for me to eat but ends up both of us cooking together.

Whenever I eat mangoes I would think of him. He always says that he likes bananas but wants to eat my mangoes. hmph...

That and so many more whenevers.

Last Look of Your Face

Another drama while in the car...

Salmon: I wanna look at you more to remember your face. Won't be able to see you for 2 months.

Bear: No need to remember. You can always see my pictures from Facebook.

The salmon is quite the romantic person. Bear on the other hand is more realistic. Still, Bear enjoys salmon's antics. 

Well, Bear is no longer going to Kedah. Instead will be heading to Jelebu, somewhere in Negeri Sembilan. The salmon was quite relieved to hear the news. 

That's all from me for now. Stay tune for more drama to come.

I Miss You

The drama continues…

While driving back after work…

Salmon: I going to miss you.

Bear: …

Salmon: yeee... you didn’t say you miss me

Bear: I will miss you lor…

Salmon: Ceh, ask only say you miss me.

Bear: I don’t miss you mah… you are here now. When I miss you then I will tell you.

Salmon: …

More drama to come…

Pathetic

So bear will most likely be leaving for Kedah to do his internship soon. The drama included this:

Salmon: So, once you are there you won't be able to call anyone pathetic lor. (in case no one here knows, bear occasionally call the salmon pathetic)
Bear: No ah... I got handphone ma. Still can make calls to you and call you pathetic lor.
Salmon & Bear: XD

To be continued...

No Supervision

What do you do when your supervisor is missing? Seriously, my supervisor has been missing in action for 2 weeks. No one in the company knows what happened to him. With him gone, life in the office is so peaceful. Everyone is happy (apparently no one likes my supervisor). Whole morning I have time to read things that I like. I finally understand what dardar feel like on a free day. Boring but not stressful at all. LOL...