L Report

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The long awaited report is finally out. The results... Not what I wished for. So, this morning I went to the Kepong KTM at about 10.50 to meet L. The cab driver slaughtered me for Rm6. T.T damn expensive le taxi rides... I waited for awhile and the train arrived at 11.38. We then took a cab back to my place. We shared out the cost.

Back at my home, we had no idea where to start. @.@
So I suggested that we have a little chat first. Minutes later... We froze. Not knowing how we should start this experiment... I was nervous. But in the end, decided to just go for it. I sat closer to him. I look him in the eyes but just couldn't get myself to land the kiss on him on the 1st attempt cos I let out a laugh. Funny leh~
After a few failed attempts I managed to calm myself and I as my lips drew closer, he backed out. He was nervous too... Then I suggested that perhaps he should lie down on the bed. Gave him a french but he reli didn't know how react =.="

We unclothed ourselves. Skin to skin, with me on top. Another make out session. Slowly I moved to the neck. Then the nipples... As I moved further below, L stopped me. He said it was a nice feeling but he is not used to being gorged. LOL! Skipping the elaboration... A handjob + blowjob for I dont know how long with all the kissing and grabbing :p

After cleaning ourselves, we took our lunch at a coffee shop near my house(Restaurant Chu Yu). First time having my lunch there LOL! yea yea... So near my house oso never eat thr before. Judge me if u want :p

After lunch, we chat for for a little while and I send him off at about 2.40.

From the experiment, I found out that he enjoys the neck part and blowjob(licking his balls seems to send waves of excitement :p). But according to him, he thought it would be more enjoyable and he didn't reli like the early parts of kissing. sigh... Perhaps I am inexperienced and unable to satisfy him... Nevermind that now. And there I was thinking that I would be emotionally impaired after I know the results. But guess what... I am fine though.

As for me, I found out that I still enjoy the kissing, touching and hugging most... Easily satisfied perhaps... Anyway, a nice experience to boost my confidence and skill =) Good news to many though~ I am still single and available. LOL!!! XD

~kiss me~

Experiment L

Monday, November 23, 2009

I added someone on msn about 2 days ago(or was it 3?). He is a young lad which I will refer to as L. He came asking me for an experiment. He wanted to find out the answers to whether he is confused. I was shocked by his request and I was afraid that he could be a psycho or some sort of trap to get me. I was reluctant to the request of the boy. Perhaps his hormones were acting and he was horny and wanted a fuck buddy or something. So I decided to fall back and see how it might go.

I asked many questions to get a general idea of his condition. From the information that I have gathered, I somehow felt that he is genuine in finding out and to be confirm the he could be one of us. That is given if what he said is nothing but the truth. Perhaps he is really confused. Perhaps he knows and he couldn't accept it until he tries out the experiment. Or perhaps, he is just pretending to get to know me. I am not clear. But this is an opportunity to get to know someone. Perhaps I might find myself a potential bf. If things don't work out, it would still be a good experience.

Somehow I can't stop thinking that he might be a confused straight or bi. And by agreeing to the experiment is like taking advantage of a puzzled little boy. I feel guilty. But then again, I am afraid he would find someone else and things might go bad. At least I am sure, if it were to be me, he would be safe from the monsters outside. Yeah~ I am desperate. But I know clearly this is an experiment to help him. We won't be having anal sex, this I can guarantee :p

L is 20 this year. Yet, I can't help to feel that he is a little boy in need of some guidance from me. From the way he writes and respond as well as his picture, he is really cute! He is a really good listener too. I told him stories of me and he seems to be really eager to know. I really do wish that this isn't some sort of trap or experiment. Bcos slowly, I know I will fall in love with the test subject and it will be difficult for me to regain my grounds again. Even as I am typing this out. I know I have a little feeling for the test subject. Hope I will be able to control myself and wait for the conclusion of the experiment.

~Chances come and go, I will try to make it happen~

Double Movie

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Yesterday I went to watch 2 movies in MV. The 1st was Raging Phoenix, a thai action movie with lots of fight scenes. OMG! So damn cool! Their fight is like dancing! So smooth and fast. If you think Jackie Chan and Jet Li is good. I can tell you they are way better. Totally blew me away with their cool moves. Comparable to OngBak but this is slightly better. As for the storyline, is just so so... Nonetheless, one of the best action-packed movie I have ever watched.

2 hours later I lined up again to see what other movies are available. And to my surprise there was a cute guy at one of the counters. In my heart was going, "Please let me go to his counter! Please! Ring the bell! Me! Me! Me!" As if fated that we will meet. He quickly finished of the current customer and rang the bell. I took my time walking slowly towards him. And waited for him to greet me. Gosh! His eyes could have killed me! They were sending strong currents to my heart. Its pumping faster than normal. I can feel every pulse of it.

I asked for tickets for 2012 at 5.15 pm and was damn lucky as there were 2 more seats at the back available. phew! I forgot to present my student card on purpose~ LOL! "sir, next time whenever you go to any cinema, please present your student card 1st", he said that with a smile I swear I could have faint! He iz not chinese(I think). He has that mixed Thai look. Sorry for the poor picture quality though =(

2012 was a good watch. Made me laugh for the early parts of the movie. LOL! The whole cinema was so quiet. Breaking the silence was my extremely loud laugh and I thought it was a comedy. To my surprise, no one laughed along =.=" Why is everyone so serious. Perhaps they don't get the joke~

A few parts of the movie did manage to touch me. The sensitive and emotional side of Bear came out and tears was feeling my eyes for a fraction of a moment. LOL! Those part when they show ppl dying and all... But the tears only stayed in my eyes. Too little to roll down my cheek. LOL! Overall, a not to be missed show of the year. I have been leaving comments in other blogs regarding the way I wanna die if the world comes to an end. That is to have sex on that day! hahaha! I don't wanna die a virgin yea :p

p.s: I went to the movies ALONE! hu wanna be my bf? :p

~Is my student card applicable to a dinner for 2 of us?LOL~

The New Maid

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Be happy for my mum! My mum finally got a maid! Yippie! She doent need to cook anymore. The new maid is officially the new cook and cleaner. Best of all, he is a guy. Woots! He is so cute! I can't stop looking at him. Topless most of the time. With a smile that melts the coldest of hearts. Gosh! I wish he is my boyfriend.

Coincidentally, his name is Bernard. Am I not in love with him. Ain't he not gorgeous. Not the one on top, silly. You guys have actually seen his photos a couple of times. Yes! Its none other. You guessed it. This young lad has been sleeping so much that the mum had to put him to work. Best of all, the sisters love his cooking =.=" They complain about mums cooking but not his. That iz unfair!

~Get me my lunch Bernard!~

Pearl Milk Tea

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A trip to the night market is never complete without getting myself something sweet. The usual would be an ice-cream or cendol. But last monday I decided to get bubble tea milk all thanks to sis that kept bugging me to walk the market. Nah! Can't blame her, blame my sweet tooth =)

My sis initially wanted to get the blueberry flavour but ended up adding ice-cream to the mix. There were so many options to choose from I had a tough time deciding what to get. Honeydew, mango or papaya and the list goes on...

Pearl milk tea, also called bubble tea or boba tea is a really popular drink that originated from Taiwan. As the growing demand for this beverage grows, many variants were created. The fruit pearl tea is most apparent in local night markets.

The 'Pearl' of the beverage is typically made of tapioca. But there are other 'add-ons' that are being used such Nata de coco and jelly. I used to really dislike the pearls cos they were sticky and I had a hard time chewing them. The pearls weren't at the right size too, they were slightly larger than the hole of the straw =.="

RM2.70 at my local night market but the price varies among different location. For more info regarding bubble tea click here

My favourite flavour would had to be... hmm... if you have been following my posts you most probably would know =)
So, which flavour suits you best?

~hard time sucking 'em up~

Prayers For Bobby

Friday, November 13, 2009

Has been 2 days since the finals ended. What have I been doing? Online 24 7... Nah, just kiddin'... But I have been sleepin' and eatin' alot these 2 days.
Just like this mornin', 2 half-boiled eggs with Gardenia bread.
Afternoon, white rice with home-cooked bean sprouts and eggs fried with onions.
Tea time, A cuppa tea and 2 self prepared ham sandwiches with lotsa mayo and chilly sauce.
Dinner, horfun + bihun with soup packed from a local hawker. Something wrong here, eat way too many eggs...

Besides sleepin', did the dishes, laundry, mail a letter for mum, and ugh... ONLINE most of da time =) What I do online you may ask... I watched 2 movies today! one of it being Prayers for Bobby under the recommendation of Green once again. The other would be The Matthew Shepard Story. Hmm... I liked Prayers for Bobby. And I am not afraid to admit that I cried a couple of times. It's a true story based on a real life experience. Throughout the movie, I wasn't mad at Bobby's mum cos I know all she wants is to set her family on the right path. The sad part is she doesn't realize that her ignorance and unwillingness to understand his gay son is what that has caused so much pain to her son. I guess this movie also clearly shows what people are nowadays. They choose ignorance and when they lost the person they love only that they would learn to accept and treasure. Sad indeed.

Is it too late when we lose someone only we realize of our mistake?
I don't think so. Certainly its painful. It won't be easy to overcome the losses. But it's also from these mistakes that we better ourselves. I believe its never too late for anything because its always better to be late than never. Agree? I really hope that everyone out there be it straight or queer would take some time to watch this movie. Treasure the ones you love and try to understand each other.

Gay is not a disease. It needs no cure. God has set the world to be a colourful one. Embrace diversity~

To Homophobics, put yourself in our shoes before you say a word be it from your mind or your referred textbooks or Bible.

Mary Griffith,
"Before you echo Amen in your home or place of worship, think and remember.
A child is listening"

~You are never too late~


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I guess the title explains it. At about 6.15 p.m was the time I received the verdict. I thought I was doing fine. No tears. The heart pumped all its best to support my emotions. As if some pressure has been placed upon my chest. But I still maintained my composure. Until...

"When you thought that nothing ever exist... I am here to tell you you're wrong... I made a choice to regret... and its totally my lost... For once and last.... Love you~"

Those are the very last words that I notice. It carved itself into my heart. Digging every inch of it. And I finally lost it. I gave in to my feelings and tears came on its own.

But knowing this now is a good thing. I need not wait for him any longer. I can finally step away from this detour and continue on my path. I truly appreciate even if our hearts connected for a short moment. Perhaps its too soon. Perhaps our paths may cross again. The probability are endless. I will move on but in my heart will always remain a spot for you.

p.s: a hidden message between the lines might answer your curiosity~

~Love you too~

You Can

Last night, all of a sudden this song came into my head. I kept playing it... wondering if that 'someone' is listening to it too. I really think this is a beautiful song. I wonder if that 'someone' would agree that this song somehow represents what he feel. Because it certainly does depict how I felt...

Have a nice day everyone!

By David Archuleta,

Take me where I’ve never been,
Help me on my feet again.
Show me that good things come to those who wait.
Tell me I’m not on my own.
Tell me I won’t be alone.
Tell me what I’m feelin’ isn’t some mistake.
‘Cause if anyone can make me fall in love,You can.

Save me from myself, you can.
And it’s you and no one else.
If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end.
If you asked me, I would follow.
But for now, I just pretend.
‘Cause if anyone can make me fall in love,You can.

Baby, when you look at me,
Tell me, what do you see?
Are these the eyes of someone you could love?
‘Cause everything that brought me here,
Well, now it all seems so clear.
Baby, you’re the one I’ve been dreamin’ of.
If anyone can make me fall in love,You can.

Save me from myself, you can.
And it’s you and no one else.
If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end.
If you asked me, I would follow.
But for now, I just pretend.
‘Cause if anyone can make me fall in love…

Only you can take me sailin’ in your deepest eyes.
Bring me to my knees and make me cry.
And no one’s ever done this,
Everything was just a lie.
And I know, yes I know…

This is where it all begins,
So tell me it’ll never end.
I can’t fool myself,It’s you and no one else.
If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end.
If you asked me, I would follow.
But for now, I just pretend.
If anyone can make me fall in love,You can.

Show me that good things come to those who wait...
~follow your heart~

The White Dragon

Monday, November 9, 2009

The dark world appear again
for the second time
the same thing
A field trip I presume
I was walking up a hill
the trail had nothing much in particular
upon arriving on top
there is this semi ovaled fishing pond
we were awed
its so quiet and peaceful
the waters were crystal clear you can just see the bottom
there came a fish
not just any fish
An Arowana
I shouted "Arowana! Arowana!"
Out of no where an old man appeared
he said "Ikan Hantu"
Something iz not right though
the fish is not in the water!
as if a tiny little white dragon
suspended in mid air...
Upon returning to the classroom
a female "bertudung" and I had a conversation
I suppose she iz the lecturer
she complained how my grades are dropping
and my assignments are incomplete
I took a glance at the assignments she was referring to
it was as thick as 3 Oxford Dictionary students edition piled up together
Awakened by the morning sunlight =)
~A sign of my laziness perhaps~

Missed it!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Lets talk about yesterday, I sat for Ichthyology paper and was totally screwed! But my carrying marks should be able to compensate for my mistakes and still retain the A. Right after the paper, I returned to my room to discover that I my wardrobe has only 3 shirts and they are all unpresentable(suitable for classes only). Without thinking much, I grabbed a T from my roomie's. The over-sized dark blue T look like a potato sack on me. Had to tuck in to make it less baggyand fold up the sleeves... Gee~ Guess I shouldn't complain since it was my fault for not bringing any of my Ts back to uni.

At exactly 5 I left my room for MV. Waited for 1 friggin hour for the bus. WTF! The busses are supposed to come every 30mins. They are obviously slacking! Upon reaching MV, I headed for the top floor. There is a PC & Electronic fair going on there. Why I was there? tee hee... I wanted to surprise a fellow blogger whom I wanted to meet too~ I didnt notify him of my visit and I rounded the whole place like about 10 times to search for him. OMG! tired le...
In the end didnt get to meet him but bumped into a few frens there. Dinner alone at Little Taiwan. Ordered a bowl of Spicy dumpling noodle which costs a whooping RM12! Gosh~ For its taste, I can cook up better food than that! The dumplings have this weird taste which I dont like as well. not to mention the portion, so small! The hungry little bear just didnt get enough out of that meal.

grabbed from I am who I am

On returning to uni, I saw this cute little guy with specs and braces in black collared T and jeans while I was at the KTM. He was hanging out with a group of nerdy looking guys. He stood out the most cos he was the only chinese! He is too cute! He has that nerdy look and he stood so near to me I cant help but to notice how nice his round butt was. In the KTM, there were a few times his back touched me and inside me there's this devil that keeps telling me to grab his ass! Hopefully this Bear wont turn into a perverted molester~

The entire journey back to uni was texting this blogger fren about how I went there to seach for him but didnt manage to see him. haha! As the bear was still hungry, went to the kiosk to grab some munch. The texting went on till the time I needed mai SLEEP~

That wraps up what I did yesterday.

~keep yerself alive till the day we meet~

Getting naughty!

Friday, November 6, 2009

I must be out of my mind! I just had 1 paper this morning and guess what... I only revised in the morning at 8 then straight go exam hall at 10.30. I hope mum don't see this post(I know she wont :D). OMFG! I can't believe I did that(for the very 1st time)! cramming all the points in my head within that time limit early in the morning was seriously killin' my brain cells. :S What a naughty little bear.

Read the latest chapter of Naruto and Bleach. Was hoping for more action and less talk. Is it just me or does anyone agree with me? Anyways, will be sittin' for the next paper tomorrow evening. Certainly hope I could get my head into the game. My concentration has been off these days and mum certainly wouldnt like it! Hopefully can maintain my grades to her satisfaction. Work harder Bernard!

Somehow I don't like the previous dream that I posted. My own interpretation of the dream:

The beautiful setting is what all gay wants. To live happily as who we really are. Crystal clear skies and flowers =) But then there is this dark clouds that forms an image of a giant octopus that wants to destroy us(Hatred/homophobia?). The happy family that ran pass me towards the monster kinda signal that its what the society is(supporting homophobia?). They ran in the opposite direction with ease(straight life?) while I struggled just to take a step(hardships of leading gay life?). And finally the giant octopus trying to swallow me(break what that is left of me?). I really wonder. What does the dream mean? I dont know about it but I certainly know that the giant Tako is definitely EVIL and wants me gone.
Anyone knows how to interpret dreams?

~Not a fan of Takoyaki~

Tako clouds

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Something seems familiar
the crystal clear skies
the setting somewhere in the highlands
beautiful flowers
as I was walking on a trail of flowers
the skies slowly turned dark
as if a monster is being born from the sky
covering all possible sunlight
it engulf the skies
dark clouds growing
tentacles reaching out the white fluffy ones
forming an image of a giant octopus
It just kept growing
vicious wind kept blowing
as if a vacuum
pulling me closer to the epicenter
I tried to head to a shelter nearby
but every steps seems so heavy
as if chains of weight have been sealed upon my legs
I see a family
a young girl
next a boy
then came the father
the mother closely behind
they ran happily towards the giant monster
they ran so effortlessly
while my whole body could hardly budge
as if a spell has been cast upon me
it was so tiring
but somehow I know
my destination is the shelter
With huge wide steps I take
I know I will make it
but the monster
as if trying to swallow me
drew closer
and closer
and that is when
I see the lights of reality again
second time
the same world
~I dont like giant Tako~


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

This past week has been truly unproductive. I have did practically nothing at home. The usual combination of eat, sleep, online... Slack slack slack... Supposed to do revision but only read through. haiz... What is wrong with me. Every mornin' wake up straight turn on the com and look for food. Facebook just takes a whole lot out of my life. Mousehunting!

Brunch of the day = homecook Bak Kut Teh made by mum of cos.

Browsed the net searching for some part time for the coming holiday. Hopefully hit a good 1.

While chattin' with a fren of mine. Saw his status as "Do you really really love me?" and I somehow wanted to know who he was askin'. Not gettin' an answer from him kinda turn my mood near zero. No idea why I was eager to know. No idea why I would be emo. And when he finally gave an answer I still wasnt satisfied. Perhaps wasn't the answer I would like to hear. After awhile decided that I should take a nap and forget about.

Mum got back and dinner again Bak Kut Teh~ Round two! I muz admit that mums Bak Kut Teh is improving each each time. I critic alot yeah~ After dinner helped my mum wash all the dishes, sweep the kitchen and do some laundry. My sis bought 'Tau Fu Fah' again! tee hee! SO HAPPY =)

Did not even flip a page of any books or notes. Just like that I spent one whole freakin' day. Rate me. Judge me. You can all say what you want. LOL. I am not proud of how I spent my day anyways. bleh~

~why CAN'T I gain any weight lazying like this~