Thursday, April 26, 2012

I woke up in the morning feeling really happy and excited as I thought it was already Saturday morning. I thought that I could finally meet dardar. This was because I have night shifts on Fridays. Obviously I woke up thinking it was Saturday. Then reality hit me. It was still Wednesday morning! Total devastation. I realize how much I really miss my love. The 2 weeks of separation is probably the longest we have ever been apart. 

Every single day I never stopped thinking about him. Whenever I see the mist I think about him. Dardar loves being in the mist and it is always misty here in the morning. 

Whenever I cook I also think my love. Reminds me how he always say he wanna cook for me to eat but ends up both of us cooking together.

Whenever I eat mangoes I would think of him. He always says that he likes bananas but wants to eat my mangoes. hmph...

That and so many more whenevers.

I'm So Scared

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

It is funny how an adult can be feeling so scared. Yes, it is like a child when he is feeling scared, he will cry. And I cried so hard on my bed, my pillows are drenched wet, my shirt is soaked, and lying on the bed hopefully to fall asleep but the sleep didn't come. Instead I stared through the bedroom door out to the dark living room. Wondering what's going on with me.

I am feeling very stressed. I am feeling so pressured. And I am feeling there is no place to run anymore. I am feeling that I have so much responsibility to make things good. I have so many roles to play, which I have to juggle constantly. My arms can be so tired of juggling but my arms cannot stop. If I stop, things will drop and fall apart. I am already doing my best...

I have to perform to be the good employee. I have to be a good son. I have to be a good lover. I have to be a good friend. I have to be a good person I have in mind for myself. Sometimes I hope I can be like a Superman, so I can do everything and make everything good, result is always satisfactory and nice and everyone is happy. And do things fast too, so I have more time, to work overtime as my boss expected of me, to spent more time with my parents whom they hope for, to cherish the sweet time with my lover, and maintain the friendship that I have cultivated.

I am so scared I will lose things out of my imperfection, my disability to fulfill request, my flaw not to make things good. I dare not complain too much because I will be seen as the person who cannot perform to their standard.

Sometimes I am so scared to ask for help because I do not want to burden people. People do not like that. Sometimes I am so scared to reject offers because people do not like that. Sometimes I am so scared to tell out problems because it might be a nuisance to listen.

I am like myself in a very small tin can being crushed from all sides. I feel so suffocated.

I am so scared now.

Last Look of Your Face

Monday, April 9, 2012

Another drama while in the car...

Salmon: I wanna look at you more to remember your face. Won't be able to see you for 2 months.
Bear: No need to remember. You can always see my pictures from Facebook.

The salmon is quite the romantic person. Bear on the other hand is more realistic. Still, Bear enjoys salmon's antics. 

Well, Bear is no longer going to Kedah. Instead will be heading to Jelebu, somewhere in Negeri Sembilan. The salmon was quite relieved to hear the news. 

That's all from me for now. Stay tune for more drama to come.

I Miss You

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The drama continues…

While driving back after work…

Salmon: I going to miss you.
Bear: …
Salmon: yeee... you didn’t say you miss me
Bear: I will miss you lor…
Salmon: Ceh, ask only say you miss me.
Bear: I don’t miss you mah… you are here now. When I miss you then I will tell you.
Salmon: …

More drama to come…


Monday, April 2, 2012

So bear will most likely be leaving for Kedah to do his internship soon. The drama included this:

Salmon: So, once you are there you won't be able to call anyone pathetic lor. (in case no one here knows, bear occasionally call the salmon pathetic)
Bear: No ah... I got handphone ma. Still can make calls to you and call you pathetic lor.
Salmon & Bear: XD

To be continued...