J: The Romantic Bastard

Thursday, December 23, 2010

 I have been missing for a few days. Reason is that I had trip to Ipoh for the very first time. All thanks to request from J. We were there to act as extras for a local tv series, Rantau Harimau. The setting was taken in a waterfall area in Tapah. The place is pretty cool, flowing river, hot spring and lots of butterflies to watch. If lucky there may even be fireflies at night. I didn't get the chance to explore Ipoh cause I wasn't there for a vacation. But the nice part of the whole acting thing is that I got to meet lots of different people. Some were 1st timers like me, some were seasoned actors, soldiers as well as some part timers. They also look gorgeous! Imagine hunky Malay soldiers walking topless in the scenes and cute chinese Ipoh twinks all over the sets. hohoho... 
 That aside, I was actually quite frustrated with J. Not because he gave all his attention to pleasing his gf but because of the constant teasing. I was being made the teasing subject almost all the time and I don't like it. I admit I am a little short temper and I blame it on not just myself, but also the exhaustion, insect bites and lack of sleep. And when I am pissed off, it totally shows on my face. I never understood why I always try to help this bastard whenever he asks for help. It was when he showed his concern, I realized that he wasn't just any other friend that I have. He is more. I never wanted to admit it but he is my best friend along with pat, WH and a few others. 

They are the people that I can talk to about anything. They won't give me the weird stare or too much info thingy. The whole trip made me realized that I still have a life with my buddies. One of the funniest thing was when he said our friendship until was based on his persistence. True, he never gave up on it. When he told me he remembers how he consistently asked my name and I just ignored him, if he gave up then we would never have been friends till now. It made me chuckle. I teared. I didn't know he would recall. He apologized and asked why I was unhappy.
 When he said he didn't want to lose his best friend just because he wanted to make others laugh, I lost my words. Things he said that night was what I longed to hear. For me to confirm that I wasn't just a tool or nobody in his life. Damn it, I had the biggest cheek shower this year that night. I know a female best friend of a queer would be a fag hag but what about guys that are best friends of a gay dude? Dardar pointed out that it's abnormal to have ex to be best friends, is it?

Slippery Anniversary + Yen Shabu Shabu

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Shoe size 43. What a slippery experience. My first time ice-skating. OMG. I fell a few times. So damn embarrassing. Dardar legs were hurting so he didn't skate. Took me about 20minutes to get rid of the fear of falling. Quite similar to swimming, just need to eliminate the fear of drowning and voila! I managed to skate slowly without support rounding and rounding the ring (so proud of myself LOL)! I have been to Sunway Pyramid a few times and I always notice cuties or lengzai skating there. The thing is, they are not just there for looks. They can really skate. They glide here and there, so pro... a couple times they just chill in front of me XD... So wasted, there was once I fell and got one cute guy wanna help me get up but I was too shy so I got up on my own. Haiz... should have taken the opportunity. hehehe... anniversary

Then we had our dinner @ Yen Shabu Shabu in Menjalara. Their pork slice and mutton slice were really good. They have free flow of drinks(my fav iced lemon tea) and not so common ice-cream selection (tiramisu, durian, grape). Their sauce are good too, especially the chicken rice chili sauce, tomyam sauce and sweet sour chili sauce. On mondays to thursdays they have special dish called Sha-Tien gai. A must try if you are there on any of those days. Their pumpkin puff side dish is also worth trying!

Unfading Love

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I was with J a couple of days ago and he hit me with a question. He asked me if my love for dardar was fading away. What he meant was that if our love have turned into a norm. Something that we do daily and no longer have the passion and infatuation we first started. The odd thing is, it took me some time to actually fall in love with him. Yes, it was not love at first sight. We were together and I wasn't in love with him from the start. Through the ups and down of our time together, I developed feelings for him. It struck me that I am in love with him when things went downhill and he suggested that we breakup. I guess there are times when I do take things for granted. That night I cried for quite some time. Hundreds of questions ran through my mind. It was only then I started to question if my feelings were real. I recall the things I have wanted to do with him but it all seems too late. From that moment on, I knew that my love for him is real. I am in love with him and I love him. And to answer J, I love him more and more everyday. I remember that I once told dardar, love is like a seed. We don't just plant it, we need to feed it with water and nutrients. It grows from care and commitment. Blossoming into a year old, it is only now that I truly understand what I once told him.

Home Alone

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I am sooo bored. The Atlantica server is down for maintenance and honestly, that's the only thing I have been doing at home for as long as I can recall. Occasionally I workout when I feel motivated. Well, usually after admiring hunky dudes like this one~

Or this one~

Then when I get real horny is time for some p0rn artsy movie and some activity that I think many guys are familiar with. lol... So, what do you do home alone on a holiday?

Why Do We Come Out?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

The thing with coming out whether to friends or family, is to me a very important stage in a gay men life. I am quite sure many of us always think about having a life where we need not hide. Some say that our sexuality should be kept only to ourselves. Why do we want to tell others about it? There are always reasons to it. First, lets talk about coming out to friends. For me, I came out to my friends because I wanted people to know who I really was. There is this loneliness that lurks within me because I felt that I was different. Not being able to tell others made it worse. I feared that if I were to let anyone know I would get beaten up. The society would make me an outcast. I was also afraid that if the secrets burst out, my friends would leave me. Then again, I was already lonely in the beginning. Just imagine, have you guys been in a situation where your friends tell you that they know you better than yourself, they didn't know you were gay and they trash talk about gay stuff like they understand us? There is always a trigger that prompts us to do what we do. With all the worries I have, why do I still want to out myself? Simple, I just wanted to feel good about who I really am. Think about it, many people always try to do things to make themselves more special. They want to be someone different from others. For people like us, we are already different. We are already special but many of us just wished that we would be same like the others so that we can fit in the society like how others wants us to be. Note this, as human, we want things that we do not have. 

Then comes family, these are the people that we care most. Personally, I find coming out to family is a lot harder. Some might beg to differ? I am quite sure some of you have heard of stories like how a guy came out to his parents and his parents called the police, brought him to a psychiatrist, cut his allowances and so on. Why do I still come out? For me, my family are the ones that I am closest to, the ones that will be with me in times of need. We give support to one another. Home is where I feel most comfortable. A safe haven where I can be who I am in my most craziest form without putting on my mask of fake-ness. Some say that mothers know about their son. True for me, sometimes she just couldn't accept it because of any factor such as upbringing, education, traditional mindset and so on but one thing is for sure, she still loves me and care for me. Same goes with my sis, we may argue, quarrel, hit each other, but when it comes to family, we still care for one another. My sister always knew I am different. We would watch television together and comment on the cute guys. LOL! It is just so much fun to be plu having sisters that understands us. hehehe...

Hairy Potter

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I am not a fan of Hairy Potter. Really. I don't read the books, but I like the whole idea of magic and weird creatures in the movie. I have been watching all the episodes but this is the first time I went to watch it on the big screen. Thanks to dardar of course lol. Honestly, I like the first movie best, the sorcerer's stone. But the ones later are just mediocre. Half blood prince was the worst for me. Totally boring since I don't understand a thing they say. Total failure for that one. But the latest installment was surprisingly better in the sense that I was not bored by it. I also liked the part where they describe the deathly hollows using those animation. By ranking, the latest movie would be 3rd in my list after sorcerer's stone and chamber of secrets. The movie was quite good except I prefer Potter to be fully clothed. He is just so Hairy Potter you know? As for reading the books, I will wait till the last episode of the movie.

Note: I HATE people that reads the book and talks how bad the movie is because they cut it short but they still watch every episode of the movie on the first day screening.