Denial

Friday, September 18, 2009

Denying who I really was... that was what I was doing a year ago up until 3 months ago. Thinking that I would be able to change. Thinking that I could bring myself to have that 'feel' towards a female homo sapien. How silly of me... How much of me that I have yet to discover? How much does my friends know about me? How much do we really know about each other? What are friends? really... more questions keeps popping up in my head. For even I don't understand about myself, don't you dare say that you understand me!

I was talking to Ben at the cafe in the evening. Ben was talking bout how he knows about Jo-n and that she will only be more furious to go play tennis alone that evening after everyone decided not to turn up. He also talked about why we MUST care, take notice and know our friends cos we wont get anywhere in life if we don't... MUST? Are you kidding me Ben? You don't even know me! And how much of life do you know about to talk about it with so much confident? Honestly, the ego of humans makes us think that we are intellectual and knowledgeable. Ben, if you are reading this... don't assume you know a lot! there is more to a person than you can ever imagine. People can change. It may take 1 year, half a year, 1 month, a week, a day, or even a minute to change!!! Don't underestimate anyone!!!

last week Bear went IK meeting in the GAZEBO. It was interesting cos they showed this video of the galaxy and stuff. I knew that the stars were beautiful as I really like to look at the skies at night. Never have I imagine about how they really look like nor have I searched or it in the Internet. But the video was to tell us that we are in fact really small. I feel so little not by comparing myself with the size of the sun nor the size of solar system or universe. For that moment, it struck me that why they need to compare with something so big to see ourselves as tiny??? Was it even necessary? I could be standing a kilometer away from you and you wouldn't even be able to recognize its me. Watching the video was interesting cos I saw many new things but I just don't get the idea of comparing so far away when the comparisons could be done on earth itself. It makes no sense to me why they keep stressing that the earth is a tiny pale blue dot! Geez... Does it matter if the earth is so damn small? wadever you wanna say lah~




~how SMALL are you?~

3 comments:

jo-n said...

hmm... ben wasnt totally wrong... i was pretty mad at him, and that was why i decided to go whack some tennis balls to cool off..

Bravebear said...

Joanne, did it add oil to the flames or did you really chill? Ben is very sure the flames grow stronger whacking tennis alone. Anyway, dun answer if dun feel like it. There is nothing to prove here...

jo-n said...

hmm.. honestly cant really rememba what i felt at that time anymore.. i guess i was still angry while practising to serve, that's why none of the balls managed to cross the net =/ but later, some comp science friends came to practise too and they did some stuff that i found really amusing... n just like that, my mood changed.. i guess it was a good thing that i chose to continue whacking balls afterall..

i came back to the cafe, genuinely feeling better... if i was still in foul mood, i wouldn't join u guys...