Law of Attraction

I remember how I never attracted anyone on certain well known gay app. A certain movie reminded me that humans are like animals. We workout to put on muscles. We dress nicely to look good. Style our hair to look stylish. All we do is to look good not just for ourselves, but could be to look presentable and not to humiliate the closest people we consider important to us. In the animal kingdom, most often the male is the on doing the work of attracting the female. Lion with it's mane. Fighting fish and guppies with their colourful fins. Biggest and strongest of the alpha male wins the pack or pride through display of strength and power. 

Humans are no different. Of course we don't dictate how a gay man should be. But the fact remains that big muscular and good looking guys will always attract more potential mate. Same goes with being wealthy and powerful. Some may prefer the cute and twinky ones but in my experience, not many actually. How to market yourself is a choice. I find it ridiculous when people complain how they are unable to attract other guys. If your looks don't work, work your mind and body. Some people enjoy a good communicator with some humour. If it doesn't work, you gotta put in the hard work and flaunt that sexy body.

No doubt

Finally I get to breathe a sigh of relief when the meeting with higher up was over. I always get nervous with things like this especially when it comes to progress reports. Really thankful to my love for comforting me that everything will be fine and indeed it turned out fine. Earlier today I had to sit for a test as part of my training programme in the company. That went ridiculously well that I had no doubts that I would pass. OKAY.... more like pass with flying colours but let's just wait and see for the outcome. 

Today I have also come to realize what exactly my passion is in terms of my career. What made it clear was thinking back the happiest and most enjoyable times I have had while working in my current company. That is teaching and educating. Hopefully I will be able to make the move when the time comes. Feeling excited thinking about it.

Change

Time flew so quickly I often forget how long it has been when we had a heart to heart talk. Almost 9 years together we have both changed so much. My dear Pikey have turned from soft tofu to a meaty one. From being uptight to being open about his feelings. I am amazed at how much he has changed.

I have to confess I have changed too. I did things I am not proud of. I have done wild things I have always wanted to do but never had the courage to do cos I was afraid of hurting my dear Pikey. I was probably really selfish. I was being lustful. I wanted to feel sexy and slutty. Having read a certain book, I realized that I really do have 1 life to live. I get to decide for myself what type of life I wanted. What I want to experience I share it with my love. I felt the guilt that came with the pleasure. However, tonight the movie "Call me by your name" has reminded me to just live life. Regardless of what has happened or may happen, what we shared together will always be real.

Even though we have changed, I will always remember that love I have received. Some times I feel so overwhelmed by his love I felt I have not given him equally the same. I know it's silly. We can't measure love in units. I hope it was enough.