Why Do We Come Out?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

The thing with coming out whether to friends or family, is to me a very important stage in a gay men life. I am quite sure many of us always think about having a life where we need not hide. Some say that our sexuality should be kept only to ourselves. Why do we want to tell others about it? There are always reasons to it. First, lets talk about coming out to friends. For me, I came out to my friends because I wanted people to know who I really was. There is this loneliness that lurks within me because I felt that I was different. Not being able to tell others made it worse. I feared that if I were to let anyone know I would get beaten up. The society would make me an outcast. I was also afraid that if the secrets burst out, my friends would leave me. Then again, I was already lonely in the beginning. Just imagine, have you guys been in a situation where your friends tell you that they know you better than yourself, they didn't know you were gay and they trash talk about gay stuff like they understand us? There is always a trigger that prompts us to do what we do. With all the worries I have, why do I still want to out myself? Simple, I just wanted to feel good about who I really am. Think about it, many people always try to do things to make themselves more special. They want to be someone different from others. For people like us, we are already different. We are already special but many of us just wished that we would be same like the others so that we can fit in the society like how others wants us to be. Note this, as human, we want things that we do not have. 



Then comes family, these are the people that we care most. Personally, I find coming out to family is a lot harder. Some might beg to differ? I am quite sure some of you have heard of stories like how a guy came out to his parents and his parents called the police, brought him to a psychiatrist, cut his allowances and so on. Why do I still come out? For me, my family are the ones that I am closest to, the ones that will be with me in times of need. We give support to one another. Home is where I feel most comfortable. A safe haven where I can be who I am in my most craziest form without putting on my mask of fake-ness. Some say that mothers know about their son. True for me, sometimes she just couldn't accept it because of any factor such as upbringing, education, traditional mindset and so on but one thing is for sure, she still loves me and care for me. Same goes with my sis, we may argue, quarrel, hit each other, but when it comes to family, we still care for one another. My sister always knew I am different. We would watch television together and comment on the cute guys. LOL! It is just so much fun to be plu having sisters that understands us. hehehe...

16 comments:

Hasegawa Akira said...

hahaha when I told my mum about my sexuality she was like okay at first but now as time goes by she starts to say that being gay is a very bad thing =(

Anonymous said...

Coming out gives us a sense of freedom and being true to ourself for being the person we are.

Legend said...

Hmmm.
I guess I'm probably one of the ones you know who discriminate and trash talk "different people" when we're in form 6.
However, most of us(ur ex-classmates) were naive back then and generally we're afraid of things we do not understand well. I'm quite sure things have changed over the past few years and we met more people like yourself.
I apologize last time if I ever made u feel bad and I can really see that you no longer hang out with your ex-schoolmates as often anymore.
As for myself, I adopted a more neutral viewpoint towards gays and I view them just like how I view everyone else. However I still do believe in the DADT policy.

tuls said...

hahahaha... this post is dedicated to me! hahahahaha

Jason said...

coming out is never easy when it comes to family @.@ how i wish i can come out to my mom/sister =(

said...

coming out from the closet is the most difficult thing to do !!!

Anonymous said...

Interesting topic...I have thought about it for so long but now, I'm more than OK not coming out. I can't bear the thought of hurting my loved ones, the look on their face and the hardships they will endure should they know the truth. Seeing it from this angle, I knew by coming out I'm only being selfish.
Anyway, this is just my opinion.

Skyhawk said...

It's not easy to come-out, if you manage to, congrates!

Gratitude said...

Yup your sis is a real darling
+Ant+

arun raj said...

you are brave bear..most of us arent..im NOT..

who knows i might carry my secret to the grave

nicky05 said...

Nothing is really easy in this world.

manglish said...

ya it is important i think for ppl to really know and understand you but must come out to the right person lar haha

Jinwei said...

Well, donno u that much, :). Life is like that, just be who you are, and always be positive in what u doing. POSITIVE.OPTIMISTIC.HAPPY

:) Jinwei's Blog

pikey said...

This post got me thinking alot lately... it's one of the fears I've put back in my head until these days... Still not sure on what to do yet. As for the check-list from PT, there are a few things I thought I've passed but I realized I've not.

Anonymous said...

yeah, it's tough. I wish to come out to all my friends, but I scare they will reject me and spread the news to other friends that I'm gay.

I wish to come out to my family too. I tried once, but got rejected. My mum said I was too young to define myself is gay, and it was purely immature act. My dad told me if he would found out that I am gay one day, he would immediately stop the "father and son" relationship with me. What a pity to me!

I'm christian and I born in a christian family. My dad told me, gay is not allowed in Christian! But the fact is, the original Hebrew language that the bible was written, nothing talks about homosexual. It was the translation to English gets twisted.

Ultraman Jino said...

i'm glad that i've through that stage without much needed mess. i guess you could use some luck too.




[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot